8 tips to help you start the conversation
There will come a time when moving into a retirement community will be the best option for your parents or other loved ones.
So how do you start the conversation about moving from their family home into a house in a retirement community, that’s more secure and easier to manage?
It may not be easy to broach the subject, especially if they’re not particularly open to the idea, or they think that a move is a long way off. Do your homework first. It will show them this conversation means a lot to you if you’re prepared before you sit down with them.
These tips may help get your started in having the ‘retirement village’ talk with your loved ones.
1) Make a list of your concerns
What worries you the most about your parents’ current living situation?
For example, are they:
- Having difficulty maintaining their property
- Living in a neighbourhood where they feel unsafe
- Having less personal time with friends or family
- Talking about downsizing to a more manageable home
- Spending a lot of time at home where they used to be more social
- Worried about what will happen if one of them dies
- Retired, but don’t really have time for themselves
- Struggling to keep on top of their ‘to do’ list
- Not living the fun, exciting, interesting life they used to, or want to
- Involve family members or close friends.
If you have other family members or friends of your parents, they too may have observations, ideas, or input that can help. Without delving into personal conversations (you don’t want your parents to feel you’ve all been ‘ganging up’ on them) put everyone’s thoughts down in a list so you can go through them with your parents.
2) Do some research into retirement options
You will find plenty of information online. Look into the different types of retirement communities on offer. Think about the area your parents have talked about moving to. They may have mentioned a spot that they plan to retire. See what is available there, or close by.
In the process of gathering information, you will learn a lot about the industry – the benefits and the pitfalls. Take notes, download brochures, maybe even call some villages and ask questions.
3) Find out what healthy ageing looks like
As well as the practical considerations of where to live, think about other aspects such as health – both physical and mental – and the social and emotional benefits of living in a retirement village.
Take the time to learn more about what healthy ageing looks like. What you unearth could be a real eye-opener for both you and your parents. It might be interesting to chat about this subject with them.
Being prepared will give you the confidence and credibility you need to begin the conversation and will go a long way to supporting your parents – whatever decision they choose to make.
4) Avoid information overload
You don’t need to have dozens of options, a pile of glossy brochures and a handful of retirement village tours lined up! It’s important to remember you’re sharing, not selling.
When the time comes, if you bombard them with all your findings, it can become overwhelming and have a negative impact. They may even become defensive or end the conversation. Be patient with them and keep in mind this is one of the most important decisions of their life.
5) Start the conversation early
Don’t wait for the ‘right’ time to open the retirement conversation. Once you feel prepared and confident, “book” a time. If you wait until they ‘need’ to move, then it brings in a sense of urgency and that’s when people can feel pressured and make poor decisions.
Instead, think about the concerns you’ve already listed, the desires your parents have talked with you about, and start the retirement village conversation early. In fact, many retirement communities welcome people from their 50’s, so you don’t need to wait until your folks are in their 80’s!
6) Make a time and make it clear
When you set a time to catch up for a chat with your parents, let them know what you’d like to talk about, rather than springing the subject on them unannounced. This will give them time to also prepare if they want to.
Ideally, organise to get together for a face-to-face conversation rather than online. If that’s not possible, then set up a video chat rather than a phone call so you can see each other. It’s much more personal and will allow you to see how everyone is doing emotionally.
If you can, make a time when your parents (and you) are relaxed and not rushed or stressed and you can all talk without distractions.
7) Ask plenty of questions
When you’ve done a lot of research and found some great options, it can be tempting to want to jump in and tell your parents all about them. There’s an important step to do before that. Ask questions! If you don’t, you’ll risk coming across as pushy and the conversation probably won’t end well. After all, nobody wants to feel pressured into making a decision. They will want to know you are interested in learning what they want for their future, so ask them!
Here are a few ideas:
- How do you feel living at home (or home alone if they are?)
- Do you feel safe at home?
- Do you feel safe when you go out (or in the neighbourhood, on the bus etc.)
- What are you missing most in your life?
- Is there a hobby, activity, or special interest you’d to start?
- Are you managing ok with the house? Or is it too big for you now?
- Ideally, what kind of home would you like to live in?
- What makes you the most stressed in life?
- Do you feel lonely sometimes?
- Would you like to spend more time with people your own age?
- How do you feel about driving? Would you rather be on the roads less?
- Is it ever hard to manage your finances and keep up with the bills?
- How would it feel to have someone else help with the maintenance, gardening, cleaning etc?
- What would make you happy right now?
You don’t have to ask that many questions. See what feels right and tailor them to suit. The most important thing is when you ask each question, really listen to the answer. Some may surprise you.
8) Make a time to talk again… and again
Treat this as the start of an ongoing journey of discovery and growth where you find out more about your parents hopes and desires for their life ahead. Allow them the time they need to find the words to express how they’re feeling and let them know you’re there too support them all the way.
We’d love to show you and your parents how retirement living should be
At Kensington Gardens retirement communities in Albury and Shepparton we’ve created a secure, friendly, and carefree environment that our residents love coming home to.
When you and your parents feel ready, we’d love you to come visit, meet some of our residents and take a tour of our wonderful lifestyle estate and stunning facilities.
Our team are here to answer all your questions – anytime – and help make the transition a positive and enjoyable experience for you and your loved ones.
Arrange your safe, socially distanced tour by calling Kensington Gardens at Albury on 02 6049 3100 or Shepparton on 03 5820 5100 today or get in touch online to book a time to come in and visit us.
